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To Pay an Allowance or Not to Pay?

May 9, 2006

            Shannon asked her blog readers what their thoughts on children’s allowances are and since my response is longer than is appropriate for a “comment” I decided to address it in my blog today.

            I’m an older blogger than most of those whose posts I read on the internet, and my children are way past the “allowance or no allowance” phase.  But I have a definite opinion about it.

            Cali, our oldest daughter, recently graduated with a bachelor’s degree in biology.  She is currently earning her second bachelor’s degree—in nursing.  Abe, our son, is currently serving a mission for our church in the Philippines.  When he returns next year he will resume his studies and duties as a cadet at the United States Military Academy at West Point.  Ty, our son, is currently a cadet at the United States Air Force Academy.  Ande, our daughter, is still in high school.

            None of our kids received a sustainable allowance.  They have, however, all had their own lawn mowing business and other jobs.  Most of the kids started working “for hire” around eight years of age—neighbors hired them to weed, mow, or clean house at first.  Many times I accompanied them until they had learned to do the job well.  As each child matured and became more capable, they received more demanding job offers.  Childcare, business cleaning, building fence, weeding, secretarial work, and operating a couple of concession stands (besides their lawn mowing businesses) became their junior high and high school jobs. 

            We have also lived where the kids could raise a few calves and chickens to sell, as well.  Not everyone has the option to raise those kinds of animals, but others we knew bred registered dogs and sold them.  Fresh vegetables from a backyard garden were also another viable alternative.

            Our family chores have been just that—family responsibilities.  Everyone pulls their own weight.  It keeps our family cohesive and our children recognize that if everyone does their part, there is harmony.  It gives a sense of ownership and responsibility, rather than entitlement, when everyone does their part to make a family function—whether it is cleaning toilets, sweeping out the garage, or weeding the garden—everyone is expected to help to make our family better. 

            Our kids have bought their own school clothes and paid for most of their extra expenses since they were about twelve years old (it varied slightly according to each child’s abilities and opportunities, but not much).  In addition, they have put money in their savings accounts.  They have lived frugally (they tend to do that when it’s their money!), but they have never felt “in want.”  If they wanted something bad enough, they figured a way out to earn it.  This has taught them to believe in themselves and to reach goals.  Another benefit has been their quest to get good grades and higher education, none of them want to be professional weed-pickers!

            Our kids have also had the opportunity to travel and see many different places of the world.  Their experiences have been varied, rich and full, but it has come because of their ability to see an opportunity and then know how to work to get it. 

            We have seen the satisfaction on their faces as they have deposited hard-earned money in the bank, bought their own school clothes, paid for their educations, purchased gifts for others, and managed their money.  And, every summer for the past ten years we’ve heard the exclamation as we’ve driven by their clients’ yards: “Look how good that yard looks!  Whoever mows their lawn does a great job!”  Calvin and I wouldn’t have robbed our children of the self-worth, responsibility, dependability, and hard-workers they’ve become by earning their own money for the world.

             I’m really hoping some of my sisters add their thoughts to this post later in the day.  You’ve come to love their input through the NJP weekly newsletter and I hope they weigh in on this one.  My sister, Rachel, still has all six of her children at home.  She homeschools and each of her children also have a job.  She’s incredible.  Another sister, Chris, has her children still at home, too.  I’ve never seen a family who works as hard as they do (and I don’t think I know any kids as wealthy as hers either!).  Chris is great at giving her kids opportunities to work.  My other sisters have also raised wonderful families; their kids have left home, but each one had the same philosophy on allowances as I do. 

            Interesting reading on this subject is “Punished by Rewards” by Alfie Kohn.

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Comments jp@neighborjanepayne.com

            I so wholeheartedly agree on the concept of an allowance...

            Family chores are just that, family chores.  Working together as a family is reward in and of itself.  However, having a self-owned business....we do pay for anything Bert (a veterinarian) would otherwise have to hire out, above and beyond family chores.  We've decided that cleaning two stalls is a family chore.  More than that is a business expense....and we would rather hire the kids as our first choice.  Does that make sense?             

            Mowing the lawn, cleaning house, painting, upkeep...those are all family duties.  Just like you said, when they are desperate enough they find a way to earn money.  Another thing I've found helpful is to have them work off different lessons that they want.  For instance, they all wanted piano (some have definitely rethought that but I won't let them back out).  Their teacher offered piano lessons for yard work.  Cache is working off his violin lessons.  They also have worked out a deal for the lady who teaches them Latin.  I tell you...older ladies (preferably widows) are a GOLD MINE!  They love to trade work for lessons....and if the kids really, really want it then it's a breeze to get lessons for the parents.  If only I could figure out what the dance lady needs done....windows??          

            Anyway, if our kids really get desperate and need money but there are no more older women who need work or babies who need tended (or if the kids are too young to do either) they have those funny little lemonade stands I’ve written to you about.  This next time they are taking all of my old books and having a book and lemonade stand.  Too funny.

            Rachel

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            Just discovered your blog through Shannon's WFMW and I'm loving it! I have a question re: this entry. I'm a mom of 3 - 8 year old girl, 5 year old boy & a 2 year old boy. My daughter has expressed an interest in getting an allowance, but I'm not really for it. I love the idea expressed by her about “family chores” and then working for the money you want.

            My question is this: how do you know what is a “family chore” for which no money will be paid - it's just the cost of being part of the family - and how do you know what's payable work? I'd love to start teaching both of my older kids about working for money you want, but I'm just not sure what jobs to give them. And how do you know how much to pay them?

            These probably seem like basic “duh” questions, but I don't have a frame of reference, so please help a clueless mommy!

Christy

http://www.motherhood-unscripted.com

Christy—

            I’ve discovered there are few “duh” questions when it comes to raising a family because even no-brainers can seem complicated when it’s our kids that are involved!           “Family chores” are considered any task that it takes to keep a family functioning smoothly—doing laundry, cleaning cars, cleaning house, hauling trash, fixing meals, mowing lawns, making home repairs, raising a garden, etc. 

            In the case of my sisters, both of their husbands are self-employed, so they hire their kids to do things that their husbands would have to hire another person to do if their kids couldn’t do it—business expenses like cleaning stalls and other farm/veterinary chores.

            As you know, your children are still too young to “hire out” by themselves, but though it takes a lot of time and energy on your part (and even may cost you money in some cases), you can “hire out” with them for the jobs they can’t do alone.  They can earn money by walking neighbor’s dogs, sweeping neighborhood sidewalks, watering neighbor’s flowers, recycling cans, selling worms to the local bait and tackle shop . . . you get the idea! 

            How much money children need is up to the family infrastructure.  Most of our activities are done as a family and therefore qualify as a family expense (one of the things it takes to keep a family functioning smoothly!), so they didn’t need a lot of entertainment money.  Our money goal for our children was to teach them to be generous, responsible and hard-working while handling their money.  Therefore, regardless of how much or how little they made they first donated 10% to charity, saved around 40-50% and then spent the rest for their own expenses and wants.

            Hope this helps!

                                                Jane 

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I Learned it in the Garden

May 8, 2006

            LaGrande Richards said, “A seed is a dime’s profit to one, and a miracle to another.”  I never plant our garden without thinking that and today is the day we start to plant ours.  I marvel that such a tiny thing as a seed has the power to produce like it does.  In our rush-rush world, gardening tends to put time in perspective.  In a day of instant access through pagers, cell phones, computers, and jets, gardening reminds us there are simply some things that can’t be hurried or demanded—like a seed.

            This Monday's I Learned it in the Garden tip is:  Consider using fruits or vegetables as borders or groundcover in your flower beds. 

• Strawberries make a beautiful and inexpensive ground cover—they’re prolific, green and give you sweet little surprises in return. 
• Parsley is a pretty border—it’s lush and hardy.  It’s also fun to garnish a potluck dish with a fresh sprig and easy to dry for winter use.